Thursday, May 23, 2013

Wedding issues

When I was younger, I wasn't really one of those girls that planned my wedding. I mean yes, I always wanted to get married, but I always knew I wanted some kind of career. My parents have always been certain that I would never have children, because I was just never one of those girls that dreamed about being a mom. 

I loved Disney princess movies, but admired the princesses more for their beauty and wit than ability to snag a debonair prince charming. The closest I ever came to wedding planning was the copious amounts of wedding dresses I used to design. I would seriously have themes and design dresses and outfits for the entire wedding party. 

When you're an only child, you find interesting ways to entertain yourself. 

I did want to be a fashion designer until I discovered I could neither cut nor sew in a straight line, and resigned myself to spritzing on Chanel each morning instead of trying to be the next Coco Chanel.

I am however, absolutely thrilled that I have met my cowboy-boot wearing, truck-driving, prince charming and can't wait to marry him!

Wedding planning has been a little more stressful than I would have thought it to be. I'm sure being in my first year of graduate school only exacerbated things, but so many times I have begged Chase to just elope with me!

I'm still trying to tie up a few lose ends and we are taking our engagement pictures next Monday which I am very excited about! 

 I will say the biggest source of my stress has been trying to lose weight for the wedding. Which, those close to me tell me I'm crazy, but of course, I don't believe them! Like any relationship, I gained a few pounds when we started dating. I met this wonderful man that loved me for me and I settled into the happiest relationship ever (seriously, I hope everyone ends up as happy as I am with him!). 

And, settling into a relationship meant eating whatever I wanted and eating like my fiancé. At first, it was great. We would often make dinner at my apartment and had two favorite meals that we cooked. One was barbeque chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and yeast rolls. The other one was Caesar salad, spaghetti, and garlic bread. (I’m cringing as I write this!)

My love of Chase and carbs took over and I abandoned green things in favor of true love and man food. For the first time in my life, I was truly happy. I let my guard down and I felt as though my heart was bursting at the seams. Unfortunately, so were my jeans.  

However, three years later and I am close, but still not to where I was when we started dating and I kind of hate that.  I am nine weeks away from the wedding and definitely not where I want to be, but I am slowly becoming more comfortable with that (I guess). 

My dress looks gorgeous on me and I really don't want to pay a lot of money for alterations anyways, haha. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, because graduate school was no walk in the park and I am an emotional eater. I eat my feelings, whether I'm happy, sad, stressed, upset, excited, angry...well, you get the idea. 

Obligatory "Mean Girls" (aka best movie ever made) quote... 

And I know "blah, blah, he likes you the way you are," but I still  need to log a few hours on the treadmill and shove some chicken and broccoli down my throat, but the fact really is...I'm just a curvy girl and I'm pretty sure I could never diet or exercise these hips away! Trust me, I've tried, haha. I tend to eat a (mostly) healthy diet, but definitely don't exercise as much as I should.

I hate that we girls put so much pressure on ourselves for things such as weddings, that should be the happiest days of our lives. Or maybe I'm alone whatever. It's just been a constant thing in my head and I wish it would go away. I seriously lie awake at night afraid I'm going to look fat in my engagement pictures or worse, on my wedding day.

Trying to just embrace every moment and not beat myself up for not being more active and eating better since I've been engaged. It's been a lifelong thing for me and for just once (especially during my wedding!), I want to be able to sit back and enjoy things without worrying about my weight. 

But anyways, I could go on and on about this issue, but that's for another post. :) I hope one day I am able to help younger girls overcome these kinds of issues but for now, I'm still working on myself.

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